My sadness flows here so that it doesn't follow me as I travel my daily path. I somewhat feel the need to give a better glimpse of my circumstances, but I'm sure they will become available the more I write. Most often, this blog is inspired by particular events that are happening right now in my life. It is an unusual situation I have created for myself, for my survival, and for my family. I am breaking the cycle.
My written self and my "out in the world" self are two completely different creatures. To know one makes the other unrecognizable. Writing the pain and sadness is the release, the therapy. It doesn't mean it goes away; it simply allows it to exist somewhere, to be acknowledged and faced and let go.
Living in the now is one of my greatest challenges. I am constantly in the comfort of the past or the fear of the future. Believing I have worth is yet another challenge. Separating myself from my self, I see great worth, but existing within, I feel less worthy somehow. I am a conundrum even to myself. It must be frustrating to truly know me sometimes, and there's only one person right now who does. I kind of like it that way.
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I am the only one who knows me, also.
ReplyDeleteLike-wise towhat otin said. That's one of the main reasons I picked up my pen again. Best dang therapy ever!
ReplyDeleteThis makes a lot of sense, and sounds more confident.
ReplyDelete"Living in the now is one of my greatest challenges."
- Same for a lot of us, my dear!
It is always hard to live in the now, and to enjoy the now, no matter what's like. We always look for "more".
ReplyDeleteI get where you are coming from now :) Blogging as therpay is free at least :)
ReplyDeleteIf it helps, keep it up. Naturally I'm curious as to your circumstances. One of my closest blog friends is so because I helped him in a time of need. We've met and we remain fast friends. Sometimes it's good to unburdon amongst an anonymous crowd. Sadly I forfeited anonymity on my blog so I have another, private blog/journal that holds my deepest darkest thoughts. Take care.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question that you asked on my post....I don't think that it was wrong for you to laugh, I laughed when I wrote it! LOL!
ReplyDelete