Saturday, July 23, 2011

Chokehold - 10thDoM A Better Ending

You are my weakness, my failing wings. I fly low without you, high with, and am devastated by the space between. There are songs for us, and they are deeply disturbing. I am your tornado, and you, my volcano. The pleasure I imagine in your eyes at my pain is only paralleled by the glitter in them as you explode in me. As I wreak havoc on your life, your home, your white marbled body of stone, I spit upon the other subtle breezes you've let come wafting by. I can't imagine my life without you although I should, and I should be happy in it, but you are the intensity, the destruction, the drug I need to be able to feel... Anything. That you could be kind, I could not fathom, and that you were has taken my breath. The cruelty thereafter is just part of the process of how I process and keep you in my chaotic little categorical boxes of my mind. Believe me when I say that you are the malignant poison that I willingly love and loathe and drink from any time your cup is offered to my parched and pursed lips. I live for your nonexistent love to flow from your sad slateblue eyes and halfquirked mouth threaded into a deviant smile, through your light flutterby kisses and the choking hold of your concrete strong hands around my throat. And all I can think as the pressure on my chest causes my mind to blank and the sparkling euphoria to break through is how this way the end is so much better even if you break my heart every time I leave.