Tuesday

It's been a week since the last I heard from him and a week and a half since we last spoke conversationally or even argumentatively.

I'm flailing. Today, I woke up with a damp pillow and a salt crust in my eyes. I must have cried in my sleep, but I don't remember the dream or even if I was dreaming.

Today, tears flowed as easily from my eyes as they did the first few days...

Today, I also found out that my ex was shot... This is two weeks after he was hit by an IED... And another two weeks since the first time he was shot at... He's only been gone 8 weeks...

Today, I think has been the roughest day so far for me. I feel so confused and like I don't know who he was at all or who I am either.

I still get the feeling that this silence is cruel. I hope that he is processing something out of his system (like his ex) that he can't have me clouding his way about... It's pretty damn wishful, I know.

Today, I feel pathetic.