Learning To See

4 weeks...

Two of five suitors are offering to drive upwards of 7 hours to see me.

One suitor is trying harder than ever, asking me on dates, offering to take me to Fogo de Chao which is a very, very expensive restaurant in Atlanta and where we went for my last birthday... And he offered to take the kids as well... So far, the Atlanta Symphony, a Melissa Etheridge Concert, and now Fogo. He's really pulling out all the stops. And offering not to take a job in Iowa if he can be with me...

That suitor, the last ex bf, is an eye-opener. I'm having to work extra hard at restraint not to treat the guy I actually want like my ex is treating me.

There is still not a day that goes by that I don't shed tears, sometimes multiple times per day. I honestly don't know whether I'm more upset I made him feel like his ex-wife did or that I've lost him. I vacillate between the two.

There are tears in my eyes as I type this, and it's not the first time just today.

I miss him. I miss his daughter. I miss the possibilities. I miss being treated like I'm worth something. And I pray that if I'm given another chance, I will be more considerate and not take him for granted.

Funny that the things I most feel I get short-changed on in relationships are the things I short-changed him on the most.

What a way to learn to see.