Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Broken Soul - 10thDoM Threshold

As he carried me over the threshold on our honeymoon, he told me he didn't love me. I should've listened then. For ten years, I have endured that lack of love, and now I am living in the Hell that I didn't want for myself or my children. I am living the life I didn't believe would happen to me. I am broken into a million little pieces.

It all started when I was fifteen. I fell in love. It was such an intense love that when he broke my heart in a malicious and disgusting way, I erased his behavior from my mind and vowed that if he ever came back into my life, I would drop everything and move anywhere and do whatever it took to be with him. And that's what I did.

It was my fault. I was bored, and I wondered how his life was going. It had been nearly 5 years since he'd broken my heart, but he was still deeply embedded in there. I made the phone call that changed my life. Within 2 weeks of that phone call, we were engaged. I was 20 years old. He treated me like gold, and I loved him beyond all else.

Six months later, we were married in a beautiful garden ceremony, and coming from two disturbingly broken homes, we were the poster children for success and change. And we have failed. On our honeymoon, he told me he didn't love me. And I didn't believe him because it was said in an angry moment. Sometimes angry moments yield deep truths.

Ten years, two amazing children, and an irreversibly broken soul later, those words ring truer in my ears and in my heart than ever before. I should've heard him the first time.


  1. Powerful stuff, there is almost a distilled intensity within it.

  2. Was he angry as he carried you over the threshold? Confusing…

  3. I hope not irreversibly broken. Emotions keenly expressed here.

  4. A bit too close to home! Would be interested to read what triggered his words over the threshold.

  5. Wow. This is sad! I am reading old 10th Daughter entries.