Thursday, October 8, 2009

Expendable - TT Collection

I have a vast collection of a certain kind of man. I collect the puer aeternus - eternal boys. I collect the narcissistic, the needy, the kind of man who loves to be mothered as long as he's not smothered. Every love of my life, every significant man in my life has been a puer. The common denominator is me, so I cannot blame them for my feelings of under-appreciation and hurt for they cannot see that they do anything wrong, and maybe they don't. Maybe it is just me.

I'd love to stop collecting boys and learn to collect men. Real men. Men who aren't scared of communication and compromise. Men who don't base their manliness on how awesome they are at their war games. Men who aren't afraid to be vulnerable or wrong. Men who are confident and a little cocky for good reason. Men who aren't afraid to man up and face the music even when they know the music won't be pleasant. Real men.

I collect a certain kind of man though. And I can't help but wonder why I love these men. Why I want better for them than they want for themselves. Why I see potential in them that they don't think is possible. I like being naive, but sometimes, it's painful. It's painful to watch men destroy themselves and their relationships because of pride or because they see relationships as games. There is a certain confidence that allows men to think that the people who love them will take hit after hit and keep coming back, but sometimes love just ain't enough. We're only expendable until we're gone.

16 comments:

  1. Dang! I think you just desribed me! I've been expendable for a while...

    Pretty deep collection...

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  2. sobering thought today...we are only expendable until we are gone. as to why some boys never grow up to be men...hard to say...

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  3. Hard to break a habit, eh? Good luck!

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  4. I hope that you someday meet the kind of man you want...

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  5. e beat me to the comment on that one. I could never understand how certain women were attracted to the "bad boys." I also hope you can find a great guy, with a sense of humor, a brain, and not afraid to be sensitive. Happy TT!

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  6. That's kind of a sad collection but one many are all prone to. Hope you break your cycle..but it's easier said than done...

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  7. this is a weird phenonemna...i could always understand while the girls went for the money...but the bad boys? The logic evades me...

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  8. There's a song and the gist is: Don't look for love, love looks for you.

    Sadly, a lot of guys take no responsibility and never accept they can do something for themselves to be better. Besides, outward things never really fix the inner.

    I wish you well on your journey ; )

    Cheers!

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  9. The men's comments are confused and/or philosophical.

    The women's are: I hope you find somebody. LOL!!!

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  10. Funny how we always like the people who are probably not the best for us? Why do we do this to ourselves?

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  11. Once upon a heartbreak
    A man came ashore
    And suddenly the heartbreak
    Wasn't there anymore.
    There is one out there. Good hunting

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  12. Aww Jelly baby . . .what can I say? Perhaps you're looking for perfection when 'close enough' might do. I don't know how old you are but I have a 25 year old, well-travelled, very attractive, intelligent, independent daughter who just can't find a decent bloke! I don't for the life of me know why. I wish both genders could just be honest as the day they were born and put their thoughts out there rather than play games. Don't try too hard . . love comes from the most unexpected quarters. Sadly the man I meet and like tend to be a gazillion miles away, or married, or gay! Fwooarrr

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  13. Argh! Hugs to you and here's wishing you a real man with 1. Intelligence, 2. Sense of Humor (most important, this one), 3. Not afraid to shed a tear once in a while, and 4. not into "macho".

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  14. I feel you on this one. Hooooo boy, do I feel you!

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  15. Great writing! But aren't you lucky that so many men WANT to be collected! Lucky you!

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  16. Well as someone who lived with a spoiled boy for 25 years and now found a real man all I can say is what a waste of a life! What a treasure it is having a lovely man.

    keep looking girl!

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