Chapter 4 - Omitting Your Mistakes
How many mistakes have I made this past year and half? It's hard to tell. If you ask a certain other blogger, he'll tell you them all, play by play. If you read my blog and his (and you probably found my blog through him), he probably already has.
I live my life by omitting my mistakes to myself. I let myself make them, and I basque in them, and I loathe them. Every move I've made is a mistake. Now, I'm holding on when I should pull away, and everyone knows it's a mistake, but I'm terrified.
My whole life is dissolving around me, and I'm just helping it along. Letting go of the love that I fought to get away from but fought for me and then let me fall seemed like the right thing to do. Everyone who knows me supports me leaving him, which makes me wonder why no one said anything before.
I'm pulling away from the life that I've lived and loathed to fall into another life that I'm afraid I will live and loathe even more. Before, I wasn't afraid, but now the time is coming closer for me to make that next step, dive in, let myself go...
It's time for me to pull away...
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I am confused by this one. Not sure what you are saying nor who you are pulling away from. Is it the blogger you mention?
ReplyDeleteI'm the blogger she mentioned, and, yes, she's made every mistake possible.
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind, people, that this isn't some sort of "reflection on things past..." This is masochistic awareness of something she's willingly screwing her own life up with RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT.
Kinda makes sympathy a bit difficult, doesn't it?
Leaving what you know is hard. But eventually you do need to take responsibility for yourself.
ReplyDeleteMad Hatter