tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post71566583401828611..comments2023-04-03T11:17:09.238-04:00Comments on Not For Jellyfish: Home - 10thDoM Silence Lies BrokenNot For Jellyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08168569867944572358noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-15378745361034998402010-09-12T16:03:26.768-04:002010-09-12T16:03:26.768-04:00"In that moment, isn't it amazing how the..."In that moment, isn't it amazing how the moonflowers glow when the skies are darkened but the streetlamps have yet to click on?" That often where I choose to live. The pain is muted then.hvninhellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02770366886087512711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-22392490112433473202010-09-12T02:43:23.615-04:002010-09-12T02:43:23.615-04:00"She sleeps in too big tees with her oscillat..."She sleeps in too big tees with her oscillating fan at her feet." <br /><br />Are you watching me sleep!? Just kidding...this is nice.Katelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13463963325446113079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-72671889615216239902010-09-11T21:30:36.292-04:002010-09-11T21:30:36.292-04:00I agree, the imagery in it is quite beautiful. I g...I agree, the imagery in it is quite beautiful. I guess it just needed an event-minor one, symbolism I guess would be good.Mahahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09044365084432889661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-83708882933518880862010-09-10T17:50:34.222-04:002010-09-10T17:50:34.222-04:00You carried me back with the reruns of Patty Duke ...You carried me back with the reruns of Patty Duke and the rickety screen door. Fortunately, I didn't hear pain along with those sounds. To add a comment to the first-person-switch discussion, I felt it as a time shift, from memories of then to the understanding of now.PattiKenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02894925987580502697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-61255789031970585332010-09-10T07:32:16.163-04:002010-09-10T07:32:16.163-04:00Not sure about the comments, re the 'I' an...Not sure about the comments, re the 'I' and the 'third person'.<br /><br />You mix 'she' and 'I' which I found confusing. Who is 'I'? Some really good visual stuff. You paint swell pictures, sensual even. But you confuse the voice.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09513648613788716017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-12577295262387079042010-09-09T14:09:28.006-04:002010-09-09T14:09:28.006-04:00i like the slow build to this one, then it gets in...i like the slow build to this one, then it gets in your face. i agree...keep it out of the third person, it helps the flow.xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09510438554332908439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-32684171252810282562010-09-08T19:38:37.873-04:002010-09-08T19:38:37.873-04:00Wow. The last sentence in the first paragraph: Cr...Wow. The last sentence in the first paragraph: Crickets whisper the sounds of summer...that was a powerhouse of imagery and longing. I've been right there, staring through a screen door, longing, and then choosing (correctly) not to. Love your style. Love this piece. Just to chime in on the topic, when you switched voices in the last paragraph I thought the piece was over at first, and you, the blogger was now talking. I see what Brian is saying, but honestly, it confused me. Can't wait to read more of your work.Tinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08925730745204736744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-21782408476339640222010-09-08T17:24:51.708-04:002010-09-08T17:24:51.708-04:00Nice to see you back :). I think I might know her....Nice to see you back :). I think I might know her.Unspokenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16065870952905767595noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-81538756600372495052010-09-08T16:07:09.242-04:002010-09-08T16:07:09.242-04:00"Lips chapped in winter winds now burned in s..."Lips chapped in winter winds now burned in summer's sun." ...loved this line!Tess Kincaidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04889725786678984293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-68896426641135457442010-09-08T15:00:45.995-04:002010-09-08T15:00:45.995-04:00i know why Jeff did not like the switch but it mad...i know why Jeff did not like the switch but it made it personal at that point...like the word play...like sky scrapes...very nice.Brian Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00722940075884718007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-56909354217061599612010-09-08T13:50:47.060-04:002010-09-08T13:50:47.060-04:00a lot of interesting word play. nicea lot of interesting word play. niceTomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10948978798395906663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4398299882480957001.post-61380202147461715832010-09-08T13:04:39.964-04:002010-09-08T13:04:39.964-04:00This... well, for how quickly you wrote it... is n...This... well, for how quickly you wrote it... is not bad. Good, actually.<br /><br />One criticism: In the second to last paragraph when you briefly switch to first person? Yeah... don't do that.JeffScapehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00190641629175438603noreply@blogger.com